Defeated

That's how I feel. I made a pact with myself to not complain, or at least try to do it sooo much. But, I must...

Today wasn't awful, I mean, look how great it started out? I was a bit tired still, but doable. Luke wasn't having a very good day. Diarrhea again, upset tummy, no blood (!) napped poorly, wanting to be held...the usual issues. I feel like I just can't get it right, like he'll never be totally healthy and happy while nursing. I'd love to switch over to bottle but the combo of starving him into it and paying $50-75/week on special formula alone is not appealing at all.

I don't know. Could be the hamburger I had for dinner and roast in the last 2 days. Could be egg whites in muffins I made (it's usually the yolk that is problematic). So here we go again testing to see what it was.

We think we want at least one more child, but I can't even fathom going through this stuff a third time. I know I know - it could be a lot worse. But for me, for now, this is worse. If we dare, you can be assured there will be bottles and formula involved from the get-go. And an ample savings account stored up. So, in about 10 years. Crystal says it's the way to go, right?

(deep breath)...and this too shall pass...